Busy Knitting

I have been super busy knitting and I even did a little crocheting.  I met with Susan and a facebook friend Laura last saturday to just sit and knit.  It was a blast.  I finished 4 projects since I last blogged.  

First, a pair of socks for Liz, knit out of merino, nylon and cashmere 

Next is a dress for Becca's baby for Aunt Michele

Next is a dress for little Gianna...I just love the blue!!!

And finally, I took leftover yarn and crocheted a mat for in front of my sink.  I think I'll put it in front of the bathroom sink as it's smaller than I thought.  The sides are a little wonky because I used different weight yarns, but nonethe less, it was a fun project.

Now, I'm more of a knitter than a crocheter...but I did get a book out of the library, so hopefully it will help  me brush up on my skills a bit.   

In other news, I am finally over bronchitis, Allie is getting over strep and Krista has had a fever and vomiting.  I kept her home from school Monday, but as the day progressed she looked and felt better.  So I sent her Tuesday.  I took Cosmo to get groomed and like 10 minutes after we walked in the door, I get a phone call from the nurse that she has a fever again, so it looks like she gets another day off.

Angelina gets her braces this morning, and Allie has a regular ortho appt.  We also have our final team meeting with Carla and Lisa (Liz can't make it) to discharge Angelina from services.  The therapy has been really helpful and I'm really glad it's something I initiated.

I'm still going to my groups, doing really well.  I realized that no matter what is going on around me, I need to concentrate on myself, put myself first and take care of me.  If I don't do that, I'm not good to anyone else.  It seems to be working well.  If only I could get this sleep issue fixed than I'll be good to go.

Angelina, Allie and Anna are doing Golden Elks Pop Warner Cheer.  They have a competition in May at Great Adventure.  Tammy is going to go with me, that way we can have a fun day and I don't have to worry about it being too much.  It's hard to disappear for the day, but I'm sure Bob will hold down the fort just fine.  I'm so excited.  The last time I was at Great Adventure was with Tammy, Steven and Alex, way before I was married.  Probably in 1995 or 1996.  Crazy.

That's about all.  I should try to go back to sleep.  It's 4am.  Mark got up a little bit ago and is now sleeping in my spot, so I'll have to move him over.  I just love snuggling with him.  When he comes into my bed at night, he has to be snuggled against me, touching me somewhere.  I just love it.  I cherish those moments...I know they will not last too much longer.

I'll blog more soon.  I'm trying to figure out my next projects.  I really want to build up my etsy business, so I'm thinking of knitting up some stock for that.  I got a book about that from the library, brand new, so maybe I'll read that before picking up my needles again LOL.  

Goodnight!!!  Errr, I mean, Good morning!!!

Knitting Away

It's been a super busy knitting weekend.  I finished 3 projects.  I finished a dress that I made for a friend's daughter.  It's called "Her First Party Dress" from the book "The Expectant Knitter".

I used Bernat Baby Soft for the top and pleated bottom and Bernat Baby Jacquards for the body of the dress.  It's a self patterning yarn.

Then I made something for 2 of the social workers where I go to group.  I made an  infinity scarf for one, out of Lion Brand Homespun and size 11 needles.  Just cast on 20 and knit for as long as you want then sew the ends together.

And lastly I knit a pair of fingerless mitts.  I believe I posted my pattern already.  I made these out of Cascade Ecowool which is a blend of merino wool and alpaca.  It's a single ply yarn and super soft!!  I got it at Great Pacific Frame and Yarn Shoppe here in Point Pleasant.  

Now I'm working on socks using Cascade paints in a blue variegated for Lisa…one sock down another to go.  Then I need to start the dress for Aunt Michele for Becca and then make a dress for Gianna.  I just love making those little dresses…they are so cute!!

I've been doing real well otherwise.  It snowed again, so the kids were home from school today.  They were going absolutely nuts.  Alaina has a bad habit of screaming like crazy lately, but she finally calmed down.  That's about all….just keeping busy busy busy!!!

Jordyn and Her Dress

I started her dress 3 days ago and finished yesterday.  It came out so beautiful!!!  I used the "Her First Party Dress" pattern in The Expectant Knitter book.  There are wonderful patterns in that book, highly recommend if you have babies to knit for (especially girls!!).

I think the top took longer than the rest of the dress.  I would've made the pleat longer but I ran out of room on my needle LOL.

Here are a couple of pics of Jordyn from yesterday.  Her and Ash come to spend the day with me at least once a week and I cherish that time we have together.  We have a great time and Ash has a blast with the kids.  The kids adore the baby and Mark cracks her up LOL

So, now that I have insurance, I am getting things done that I couldn't without insurance.  I had a physical last week with my new doctor...LOVE her!!!  Totally worth the drive.  I have to go for blood work as well as take the kids for theirs, so we'll probably go on saturday.  Yesterday I went to the dentist.  I have a couple of cavities and need to 2 crowns, so I'll be going back next Monday.

I go for my appt with Mary today at 9 for my meds...good thing, I need a refill on my trileptal.  Then I have bible study, if my tummy cooperates.  It's been bothering me since before dinner last night.  I'm having a hard time sleeping because of it.  I have a hard time sleeping anyway, but this is a reason now.  Hopefully it's just a 12hr virus like we always get plagued with and I'll feel better by morning.

That's about all...until next time....PEACE

Fun day today.  Hubs went with me to therapy this morning.  Mark played with play doh the entire time.  It was very good.  I had a few realizations and things that I will continue to improve on.  I didn't realize things were so bad.  We are striving to improve our communication as well.

We then stopped at the thrift shop.  I got a nearly brand new Liz Claiborne purse for $1, a tea kettle for $1 and shirts for Mark (he is growing like a weed LOL) for $1 each.  Can't beat that.  People drop off stuff everyday so you never know what you are going to find when you in.

Then we went out for lunch at Mariner's Cove.  They are a breakfast restaurant.  I was craving one of their omelets in the wee hours of this morning.  So I had a cheddar and ham omelet.  It was so delicious.  We had gotten a gift certificate for Christmas.

I was up at 3 am again this morning.  Erin and Bob suggested I not drink caffeine at night anymore….I'm going to give it a try.  With my new meds, it might really be affecting me.  So I bought New Sleepytime Peach Tea by Celestial Seasons…it's herbal and just so delicious and soothing and calming.  I'm going to use my new tea kettle in a  little bit and make some more.  I really hope I sleep tonight because I have a super duper busy day tomorrow.

I've been feeling really good.  I had a mania a couple of weeks ago.  I feel like I am still slightly in it, but in a good way.  I didn't crash this time, which is a relief.  I love feeling this good.  I think the groups are really helping.  I am learning so many new things.  I go almost every day and therapy once a week.

We finally got our Medicaid and HMO cards so my treatment is completely covered.  What a relief.  I already went for an eye exam…my glasses are due in by Friday.  I can't wait.  Angelina picked out these beautiful awesome frames that really compliment my dark hair and skin.  I just love the way I look in them.

I need to make a dentist appointment and an appointment with the primary doctor to establish myself as a patient.  I have to travel south to Lacey area, but it's ok.  Hopefully I like her.

That's about all for today.  I have to pick the girls up from ccd soon…monday nights fly by LOL.

Until next time….PEACE

I haven't been sleeping.  I go to bed around 10 or 10:30 and wake up at 2 or 3 and am up until daylight.  I do laundry, knit, I actually knit hand warmers, a hat and an infinity scarf in 3 days due to my night reveries.  I'm tired but not as tired as I would think I would be.  I take little power naps here and there.  Tonight I'm going to try and stay in bed if I wake up.

Like I mentioned, I get a lot of knitting done when I'm up in the middle of the night, as well as watch my new favorite show Dexter (man is he hot!!!).  In 3 days I knit hand warmers, a hat and an infinity scarf.  Here are some pics

Bob was sick last thursday so I missed my two therapy groups and my knitting group.  That is when I got the yearn for these projects.  This is baby alpaca and boy is it so soft and comfy!!!  I just don't want to take these hand warmers off when I put them on!!

Kids are good.  Staying healthy.  Alaina has a field trip this week, Krista and Allie have well visits the same day, bible study…visit with Mary the APN at Preferred all in the same day.  Tired just thinking about it.

That's about all going on in my little world.  Just wish I could sleep.  Maybe tonight…..

Crazy Night

It's been one heck of a night.  Poor Alaina had stomach pains along with vomiting and Allie was vomiting.  They also had no school today due to a snow storm...again.  My appt with Mary the apn at Preferred was rescheduled for tomorrow and I had to reschedule Allie's well visit appt.  Needless to say, I barely slept last night.  Lately, what else is new.

I was in a mania last week that lasted for about 3 days before I finally started coming down.  Thankfully, this time, there was no big crash.  I feel pretty good, except I am not sleeping well.  I'll probably get an rx for trazadone tomorrow when I go.

Bible study is going well.  Hopefully we'll start faith sharing soon.  That is my favorite.  It's more personal I think.  What a great group of ladies in the group.  I look forward to seeing them every week.

That's about all.  I've been watching Dexter...Sue got me hooked.  I watch about 6 episodes a day...I can't stop watching LOL

Wrist Warmers

Supplies:

worsted weight yarn
4 size 8 dpns

cast on as follows
Needle 1--8
Needle 2--16
Needle 3--8

work 10 rounds in k2p2 ribbing

work 23 rounds straight knitting...stockinette stitch

bind off for thumb

work needle 1.  Needle 2--k5 b/o 6 K5  Needle 3--K

Next round

Needle 1--k   Needle 2--k5  cast on 6  k5  Needle 3--k5

knit for next 10 rounds

work 5 rounds of ribbing

bind off loosely and weave in ends

Now, you can leave the thumb open as is or you can pick up stitches and  knit the thumb


to knit thumb

pick up and 4 stitches on each needle (5 stitches if you need it bigger)

K 9 rounds

Bind off loosely

weave in ends

Make second one

Knit Hat pattern

Supplies:

worsted weight yarn
size 8 16" circular
4 size 8 dpns


Cast on 88 stitches. Put stitch marker to mark beginning of round.  Join being careful not to twist.

work k2p2 rib for about 10-15 rows, depending on how wide you want it

K every row (this will give you the stockinette stitch) for  the desired length of head, about 1.5" from the top of hat

start decreasing

k6 k2tog   repeat all around

k the next 2 rounds

k5 k2tog all around

k the next round

Here is where you need to switch to double pointed needles.  Just distribute the stitches somewhat evenly on 3 needles

k4 k2tog all around

k next round

k3 k2tog all around

k next round

k2 k2tog

k next round

k1 k2tog all around

k next round

k2tog all around

Cut about a 2" tail and weave through remaining stitches.  Weave in ends

About my Knitting Patterns

I just wanted to give a little information about my knitting.  I usually create my own patterns...gauging by eye.  I usually do not figure out gauge because I knit pretty true to the yarn label.  If you have any questions about any patterns, feel free to contact me or leave me a comment.

Hey

I know it's been quite some time since I've posted.  I want to get into it again, giving it another go.  I want to post about life, my knitting, kids, struggles and triumphs.  This is just going to be a short post so you know I'm still alive and here.  I'm also going to be posting knitting patterns.

If I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, Love is kind.  It is not jealous, pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.  If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing;  if tongues, they will cease;  if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.  For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, they partial will pass away.  When I was a child, I used to talk like a child, think as a child, reason as a child;  when I became a man, I put aside childish things.  At present we see indistincly, as in a mirror, but then face to face.  At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.  So faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love.
                                                       
                                                                                                             1 Corinthians 13

This was part of the second reading at church today.  We got all giddy because this past week, this entire scripture, chapters 13 and 14, was read by Allie.  I like to pray on and ready Holy Scripture after we pray our rosary.  The kids like to read it too, out loud.  So Allie read this exact scripture to us this week and here it was.

These verses can be a real slap in the face to me.  Of course I love my husband and children, however I do get quick tempered and certainly not patient.  These are things I ask God to show me every day.  I am a work in progress.  I used to let the fact that mood disorder controlled every aspect of my life, including my parenting and wifely duties, define my very being.  I am not perfect, neither is anyone else.  Whenever I am uncertain of that, or seem to forget that I am loved, I open my Bible.

God has made promises to me.  God is always there for me.  He sent his one and only son for me!  I am worthy of God's love, His mercy, His patience.  No matter what I do, good or bad, God still loves me.  If I do something wrong unintenionally, God still loves me and is gently with me.  I need to remember that when raising my kids.  Most of what they do that angers me is unintentional.  They don't mean it.
 

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.  Before you were born  I dedicated you, a prophet, to the nations I appointed you.
                                                               Jeremiah 1:5

God knows each and every one of us.  We are all His children.  When we were baptized, He claimed us as His own.  He knew our name before any other, he knew how many hairs we had on our head.  He is definitely the kind of parent I want to be, loving, caring, merciful, patient, kind, a good listener, always there.  If that is not the epitomy of love than I don't know what is.

Everyday, in my prayers, I ask God to show me patience and to show me Love.  I need to learn to love myself more so I can love others...I think that's what is holding me back in so many ways.  Don't get me wrong, I do love my family and friends, but I think it can go much deeper than it is.  That's what I need to work on. 

So I leave you with this, even when we are less than perfect, when we make mistakes, God loves us more than we'll ever know.  Do you let God's love into your heart?

Since Last Time

Since the last time I posted, much has happened.  I went to IOP (intensive Outpatient therapy) for about 3 weeks.  I had to stop going due to the fact I don't have medical insurance.  I was very sad about that because I found it was really helping.  It's always helpful when I am around others like me in a group setting.  I was mopey for about a week or two.

The summer went great.  Lots of time at the beach...we went to the pool by mom and pops, which is always a blast.  I was ready to for them to go back to school for the simple fact we needed the routine that is lacking in the summer.  If it weren't for that, I'd keep them home forever!

Krista started Kindergarten this year!  Now that it's February, she is reading all on her own!! I am so proud of her.  She loves school so much she wants to live there LOL.

I'm feeling my moods be scattered all over the place, each  moment unpredictable.  I need to make an appt with Shay this week (I don't go until next week) and possibly even Dr. Kargman for a med adjustment.  I just feel off and I feel like I'm frustrated and out of control all the time.  Maybe I just need to take my ativan, 2 at a time morning, noon and night.  Perhaps that will help.

Well, that's just a little update on me and where I am right now.  Off to make another post on some thoughts I have.

I Know, I Know

It's been so so long since I've blogged.  Life just got in the way.  Honestly, though, I was in a pretty bad place.

I've been off of my bipolar meds since Markie was born, Aug of 2010.  Things were going great for a while, lots of people were happy to see me off the meds.  I didn't know why, but I went with it.  I went off so I could nurse him.  He didn't tolerate formula at all, even the expensive hypoallergenic stuff.  That's where it all started.

I should know better than to go off of my meds.  I've done it before and ended up in the same place.

About a month and a half ago, a depression hit.  I spiralled downhill so fast, I couldn't get out of it.  I have a few friends that were my rock during this time, always there if I needed to talk or cry.  I thank God for them every day!

I prayed all day every day for an end to my suffering.  I saw to purpose to my suffering.  The mental anguish was just too much to bear!  It was to the point I started drinking again, to numb the pain and feel good.  Self-medicating.  I had a problem with alcohol when Krista was a baby, a huge problem.  One night though, there was an incident and I quit drinking, until this past month.

I go to a faith sharing/bible study group every Tuesday.  After our meeting last week, my three friends cornered me in the most loving way, trying to get me to go to the hospital for help.  They were so worried, because I just wanted the pain to stop, no matter the cost.  Like I said, I was in a really bad place.

I didn't want to leave then and there which is what they insisted, but needed to come home to get some things in order before going.  Problem was, hubby wasn't aware that I was that bad and I couldn't find the words to tell him.  We traveled this same road 4 years ago, and I was just afraid.

As I was doing the dinner dishes, two police officers came to my front door.  My heart sank, I thought something happened to my son.  He was walking home from a friends house.  Turns out, they were here for me.  One of my dearest friends was so worried, she called them to come to me and take me to the hospital.  She was so afraid that I and my husband would hate her!  Imagine that, me hate someone!!  Like that would ever happen.  So the officers called an ambulance to take me.

I was in Brick until around 3am when I was transported to Jersey Shore.  As a 2nd timer I knew what to expect.  I was eager to start back up on meds and get stable.  The days are filled with group therapies, and there is a 12 step meeting every night.  It really was so beneficial to be there.  It was where God needed me to be. 

I prayed alot while I was there.  One gal I became friends with prayed with me all the time.  We just connected!  And the kicker is, she lives her in Point!!  Another gal who didn't speak to hardly anyone and never attended the groups, kept coming up to me asking if I'd pray with and for her!!  Me!!  I just felt as though God placed me there for her, to show her HIM and to show her HOPE.  When I left she gave me a hug and said I was her angel and she loved me!

I came home today.  I was anxious, I have a lot of ammends to make.  I wrote a letter to the kids that I need to read to them tomorrow apologizing for how awful I've been this past month and a half.  They do understand that I have a disease in my brain and I need medicine in order to function so that's a plus.  Hubby talked to them about it when I went into the hospital.

It's great being home.  I missed my family so so much!  I get to see my awesome friends tomorrow morning for our last Tuesday morning group.  There is hope though, as we will continue to get together. 

Next week I start Intensive Outpatient therapy, 3 hours a day, 3 days a week.  Seems like a lot, but I need to do what I need to do to get healthy, stable and stay out of the hospital.  I'm scared but it will all work out.  It's what I need to do for ME.  If I'm not well, everyone I love suffers greatly too, not just me.  And, everyone I love is worth far more than that!!

I'm so grateful for my friend who called.  If she didn't, I might not be here.  I am so blessed to have my friends and I make sure they know it!  Their prayers, love and support are so amazing!!

So that's it in a nutshell.  I hope to blog regularly now.  I need to come up with a schedule for myself for waking and sleeping.  I am awake now at this ungodly hour of 3:37am because I missed the window for sleep with my sleeping pill.  Ugh...so until next time..GOD BLESS!!

Warm and Fuzzy Inside

My prayers were answered.  I had big plans for this lent, but apparently, God had other plans for me.  I tried to find soup kitchens locally to volunteer at, but I kept hitting dead ends.  There really wasn't anything that I could find really local for the kids and I...so I took to prayer.

God kept putting a certain dear friend on my heart, constantly, so I knew, she was the one.  She is going through a rough time right now, and to know that tonight, my children and I brought her and her mom joy, well, is beyond words.

I'm going to bed all warm and fuzzy inside.  I'm not going to talk about what we did or didn't do, but I will say this...when we do for others out of the goodness of our hearts, our love of God shines through brighter than ever and we are blessed beyond measure.  The joy just carried me through the evening like a hot air balloon through the sky.

The kids took part in something bigger than themselves, brought joy to someone who needed a smile, who needed to know that we care.  They know what it's like to be selfless.

For that lesson I am thankful.  It was a small random act that hopefully brought some happiness, hope and love to a dear friend and her mom.

I just remember, it's what we do in private that matters most to God....not like the hypocrites, who make a big show out of what they do (or did).  What goes on within the "quiet room" that matters!

My Lenten Plans

Lent is upon us, once again.  I've been preparing for some time, thinking about and praying about what to do...because giving something up just missing the point, to some extent.  Sure, I can give up chocolate or cake, I like chocolate and cake, but I don't LOVE chocolate and cake.  Giving it up wouldn't really mean anything to me.  Same for the kids...we need to do something instead of just giving up treats.  They are at an age where they need to understand that Lent goes deeper than that.

We need to draw closer to God...be a steward!  We hear kindness, love, compassion, love, oh, did I mention LOVE being preached every Sunday.  That was the basis of Jesus' teachings.  Hate the sin, LOVE the sinner.  LOVE one another as I have LOVED you.  Faith, hope and LOVE, but the greatest of these is LOVE.

It's so important so show our love of God to one another.  So, I decided that the kids and I would volunteer somewhere, perhaps a soup kitchen.  We were going to volunteer at a kitty rescue, but it fell through.  They don't allow children to volunteer because of liability issues.  I haven't told them that, because it would break their little hearts.

So, after much prayer, I decided what were are going to do.  I'm going to see if we can "adopt" an elderly parishioner of our church, or someone in our community.  We'll make dinner for said person every night, visit, do anything we can to brighten their lives.  There are so many who are forgotten, lonely, sad, etc.  If my kids and I can make a difference in one person's life this lenten season, than it's all worth it!

And this is not something that is only for lent, either.  It's just a good time to start forming new relationships, taking care of others, showing Gods LOVE to others, through us.  I want us to be His vessels.  I love God so much, and I hope that other's see God's love in me. 

After all, we are all His beloved!

Hope

I know it's been so long since I've blogged.  It's been so crazy hectic here lately, but my priorities have definitely changed.  Christmas was great, but I am still on the med after getting really sick the day after Christmas. 

As for priorities, I'm not online that much anymore.  I spend more time in prayer, and I try to go to mass daily if I can.  By strengthening my faith and putting God first, good things are happening.

A dear friend of mine and I get together every Friday to pray the rosary together.  It was great, but I found myself needing to pray more!  So I would pray my rosary every day.  Then Anna had a family gathering for CCD about 3 weeks ago.  We made rosaries.  It was that night, we turned out all the lights (except for the room we were in), turned off the tv and computers and prayed the rosary together as a family!  We pray everynight together.  It's been an amazing experience!

By getting closer to Mary, I'm getting closer to Jesus, therefore getting closer to my Heavenly Father.  I ask her to help me be a better wife and mother.  I ask her to help me get through my daily tasks, with a happy heart.  But now that we are praying together as a family, there is more peace in my home.  Of course, during prayer time, Satan is trying to ruin things, to get me to give it all up.  It will not happen.  The kids love to lead our prayers and they argue over who will lead, who will pray this prayer or that prayer.  Makes me smile.

Our Lady is leading my family to holiness.  During a sermon a couple of weeks ago, Fr Paul asked the congregation, "If you were on the stand being convicted of being a Christian, would you be convicted?"  Really makes you think.  It's what we do in private that matters.  I'm as involved as I can be in my church, it's in the home wherein the struggle lies.  But praying as a family is helping with that.

I was getting worried about our future, our spiritual future as a family.  I'm doing all I can individually, but it didn't seem as though it was enough.  I prayed and prayed, but realized there would be more power to my prayers if we were all together praying!  "Where two or more gather in my name, I am there amongst them." 

Anyway, there is hope for the future, for me, for my family.  For that, I thank Mary, my mother.  I know people who give Mary no second thought, because there is not much written about her in the bible, but I believe Jesus is God, therefore she is the Mother of God...mighty important in my book! 

The Love Dare....Intro, Days 1 & 2

I'm not sure if anyone remembers the movie "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron.  It was a heart wrenching movie and I highly recommend it (as a matter of fact, I do have a copy if anyone wants to borrow it).  In the movie, the character is having trouble in his marriage.  His dad gives him a book, The Love Dare.  He reads this book and completes each dare, to make his marriage better, stronger, and to also deepen his relationsip with God.   I won't give away the ending, so with that said, my dear friend lent me her copy of "The Love Dare" workbook.

I read the introduction and read for Day 1.  It took all that I had not to read ahead and skim the entire book.  I plan on taking it day by day.  Because the book is not mine to write in, I'm going to blog about it, taking notes on what I've learned, what I've done and the results I see.  I'm also putting a twist on this, because it's more geared towards husbands and wives.  My husband and I have a pretty solid relationship and marriage.  Things are really good (but hey, who can't use some improvement).   So, I thought long and hard, and prayed and decided to go along with these dares in the book, extending them not only to my husband, but to my children as well.  Days 1 & 2 worked out well.

Day one:  Patience.

"Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it  naturally.  But wise men and women will persue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships.  That's a good starting point to demonstrate true love." 

Isn't that the truth?  Patience is very hard and I pray for it several times a day every single day.  I have amazing patience with the husband, the kids, not so much.  Here is the million dollar question:

How did I demonstrate patience?  When something spilled all over the floor, I asked for help in cleaning it up instead of raising my voice saying "Come on really??"  I spoke in a calm manner, I didn't stomp around when frustrated or angry.  I kept my anger and frustration contained, so it couldn't be seen by the children.

What result did I see?  Peacefullness in the house.  There was little to no fighting between the kids.  Everyone was calmer and more patient with each other.

Day 2:  Kindness

"Kindess has 4 basic core ingredients:  Gentleness, Helpfulness, Willingness and Initiative....You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."

You know the saying "You hurt the ones you love the most".  So true, yet so sad.   You see, I have no problem being kind and helpful to others, but sometimes, when things are so chaotic and everything is going wrong at home, the kindness goes out the window.  There is that saying "Charity begins at home".  Another so true.  A good tree will produce good fruit.  I am the tree, my children are the fruit.  My goal is to yield good fruit that will yield more good fruit and so on.

How was I kind?  It was tough, but again, along with the patience, I didn't raise my voice, I spoke with enthusiasm, I gave extra hugs and kisses.  I brought in the patience from the day before and the kindness just followed.

What was the result?  Again, another day with much peace, love and kindness extending to other members of the family.  The kids got along, they played nicely and hardly fought (only 1 incident)!!   I noticed them doing sweet little kind things for one another all day long. 

So far so good!!  This Love Dare is great.  I'm learning some great new things and I'm being held accountable for my actions.  I made a promise to myself and to God that I was going to change me, change how I react to situations, change how I think about things, change the dynamic of my family, all my changing myself.  I want a deeper relationship with Christ, and with His Holy Mother.  I know, with their help, The Love Dare will be a success and the lessons will be something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Hurricane Approaching Us This Weekend

Hurricane Irene is on the prowl.  We are in her path and I'm scared out of my mind.  Now I know how my mom felt back in the 80's when Hurricane Gloria hit.  We will most likely evacuate, leaving Saturday morning before all the mayhem.  The kids are already packed and truly frightened as well.

They asked me tonight if I was scared.  I looked at their precious faces and told them "more than you'll ever know."  "Mom, you don't look scared."  "Well, guys, if I showed you how scared I was, well, you'd be all petrified.  It's my job to be strong for you all, to protect you, not only your physical selves but your spirit as well."

As a parent, I really want to protect my children, body, soul, spirit and mind.  I do my best, but sometimes, especially at times like this when everywhere you turn, there is talk of impending doom.  On tv tonight, our choices are hurricane watch or 9/11 shows already.  I just pray and ask for guidance on how to calm their little nerves.  They really worry about things they shouldn't be worrying about (where are we going to go? What if there is no electricity, how are we going to cook?  What about our goldfish?)

All in all, I know we are going to be ok. I  have faith that God will protect us and be with us.  Whatever happens to us will be a part of His plan for us, and we just need to trust in Him.  It will be ok.

So, my friends, especially those of you on the East Coast, stay safe this weekend.  I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, and ask you do the same for me and my family.  Hugs!!

Show Me What You See

During the school year, I meet with a wonderful, faithfilled group of ladies for a bible study and faith sharing group.  I've formed friendships that will definitely last a lifetime.  Over the course of the summer, we've met twice to discuss a book.  One friend was saying how when she's having a rough day with her kids, husband, or friends, she asks God "Show me what you see".  It really made me think, because you know how the saying goes, we hurt the ones we love the most.  So, I pray each morning for God to "show me what he sees" in my children and my husband, and here are my answers.

This is Matt, my almost 12 year old son.  I was shown great love for this child.  A child unsure of who he really is, struggling to fit in amongst his peers.  A child growing into a young man.  A young man aware of how his body is changing.  This is a child with a HUGE heart and love for his family, but has a hard time showing it.  This is a child who yearns to do the right thing, but do to peer pressure ends up making stupid decisions.  As a consequence to those stupid decisions, he does do the right thing.  He wants to please his parents and please God.  He has great faith.

This is Angelina, Nina for short.  She is my 11 year old daughter.  God showed me a child also struggling with fitting in with her peers.  Always wanting to please those around her, she holds everything in until she explodes.  She is afraid of entering a new phase in life, growing into a young lady and entering middle school, meeting new kids.  She struggles to make friends.  So many around her make poor decisions, so she has decided to distance herself from others.  She excels in school, putting so much pressure on herself to be perfect (the need to please!).  She needs her time with her mama, to grow in patience, love and confidence.  She has great faith also!

This is Anna, my 10yr old daughter.  God showed me a child struggling to find her place in this world, struggling to find her identity in a mind swirling out of control.  She is eager to please, yet eager to be independent.  She has faith but is not sure how to use what she learns.  She cares deeply for others, caring about others well being.  She is a helpful child, a loving child, a hurting child.  She is having some issues we need to get help with, but insurance issues are preventing us from doing so right now, so my hands are tied.  She is God's child just as much as she is mine.

This is Allie, my 9yr old daughter.  She is full of life, peace and laughter.  While she is not so eager to help mom out, she is eager to please and is very helpful of others.  She is struggling with an uncertain future, unsure of her health.  She is on a strict medicine regime to keep her kidneys functioning.  She is a trooper, a fighter.  She loves others as well as life.  She is very giving, loving, caring and joyful.  She has a peace about her that I struggle to find at times. 

This is Alaina, my soon to be 8yr old.  God showed me a child who is going through many changes.  She suffered a few losses in her short life of those she loved.  She is a strong willed, happy girl.  She loves to play, loves her family, loves life and friends.  She has great faith in Jesus, and is eager to learn everything she can.  She is very helpful and wants to please those around her.  She has high expectations of herself and is easily frustrating in certain situations.  She is a child that needs a lot of hugs and I Love You's.  I'm happy to give them to her.

This is Krista, my almost 5 yr old spitfire.  She is very close to her mama.  She is very cautious out in public and around new people.  It takes a little while to gain her trust.  She likes to try new things, yet is very cautious when doing so.  She likes to feel safe.  She is trying to find her niche amongst her siblings.  She also tries to please everyone.  She likes it to be peaceful and quiet, and not so chaotic in the house.  She loves her mama, daddy and Jesus.  She loves to go to church and sing songs of praise to God, while looking in my eyes.  It's a great moment between us.

Here is little Mark, my 1yr old boy.  God didn't have to show me much here.  All he knows is there are so many that love and care for him.  He loves to smile and dance and just LOVES being sung to.  He is truly God's gift.

Last but not least, my husband of 12.5yrs Bob.  God revealed alot about him, things I fail to think about.  Here is a man who supports and takes care of his family.  We are his top priority.  He struggles with an uncertain future, worries about the economy and the state of our country.  He worries about continuing to provide.  God showed me a man who, when he had no work, felt like a failure in some ways.  This is a man who needs to know he is loved, wanted, needed and appreciated.  He is a man who is full of faith and love for God that is beyond measure, and that he's passing onto his children, along with me.  He is a man who does things differently than everyone else, but in the end, his biggest success is his family.

So here you can see, I have a wonderful family with so many different struggles, attributes, character traits, etc.  I am truly blessed and wonder often what I did to deserve such a great family.  The answer to that is simple, it was God's gift, free of charge, just as His grace is a free gift to us.  I thank Him each and every day for all that I have in my family. 

Come and Follow Me

When Jesus was first starting His ministry, first calling on His disciples, he came upon some fishermen.  He said "Come and follow me.  I will make you fishers of men."   It took me a little while to understand what Jesus meant.  By being a follower of Jesus, living how He wants me to live, having my actions being pleasing to Him, well, I get it.  My best friend once told me a while ago, that I was her inspiration.  I was everything she wanted to be in living a faith filled life.  She wanted my belief, my faith.  I was very humbled when she told me this...I'm just an ordinary person, with not so ordinary circumstances.

There are many things that affect my faith and I am at a different place than I was 5 years ago.  I've learned to surrender all to God,  to lean on Him in my darkest times, and to rejoice in Him when things are great.  I've had many life experiences that have taught me many lessons.  Like I mentioned in my last post, there are so many uncertainties, the only certain, concrete in life is God's love.

So, how did I become a "fisher of men"?  I live according to the gospel, yet I know I'm human.  I do not think I'm a saint, and am humbled when I am called that by strangers.  I attend mass every weekend, and every day if I can.  I seek and find a place for God in my life, in every aspect of my life.  I love God with my whole being.  And it shows.  Having my best friend tell me I am her inspiration confirmed that for me. 

I do pray every day for a renewed spirit, for strength to get through each situation as it passes, and I pray especially for the grace to tackle the hard moments with peace and love.  I pray the same for my children.  My goal is to raise Saints, although having a priest, sister or doctor would be nice too ;) 

My children and I have enjoyed fishing the past few days...Here are some pictures of what we caught.  Today, we all caught at least one fish, bringing home a grand total of 16 for Pop Pop to use as bait when he goes out on the boat.  I'm thankful that my life doesn't depend on fishing...I can't stand the smell, so I don't eat them LOL.  Enjoy!