The Love Dare....Intro, Days 1 & 2

I'm not sure if anyone remembers the movie "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron.  It was a heart wrenching movie and I highly recommend it (as a matter of fact, I do have a copy if anyone wants to borrow it).  In the movie, the character is having trouble in his marriage.  His dad gives him a book, The Love Dare.  He reads this book and completes each dare, to make his marriage better, stronger, and to also deepen his relationsip with God.   I won't give away the ending, so with that said, my dear friend lent me her copy of "The Love Dare" workbook.

I read the introduction and read for Day 1.  It took all that I had not to read ahead and skim the entire book.  I plan on taking it day by day.  Because the book is not mine to write in, I'm going to blog about it, taking notes on what I've learned, what I've done and the results I see.  I'm also putting a twist on this, because it's more geared towards husbands and wives.  My husband and I have a pretty solid relationship and marriage.  Things are really good (but hey, who can't use some improvement).   So, I thought long and hard, and prayed and decided to go along with these dares in the book, extending them not only to my husband, but to my children as well.  Days 1 & 2 worked out well.

Day one:  Patience.

"Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it  naturally.  But wise men and women will persue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships.  That's a good starting point to demonstrate true love." 

Isn't that the truth?  Patience is very hard and I pray for it several times a day every single day.  I have amazing patience with the husband, the kids, not so much.  Here is the million dollar question:

How did I demonstrate patience?  When something spilled all over the floor, I asked for help in cleaning it up instead of raising my voice saying "Come on really??"  I spoke in a calm manner, I didn't stomp around when frustrated or angry.  I kept my anger and frustration contained, so it couldn't be seen by the children.

What result did I see?  Peacefullness in the house.  There was little to no fighting between the kids.  Everyone was calmer and more patient with each other.

Day 2:  Kindness

"Kindess has 4 basic core ingredients:  Gentleness, Helpfulness, Willingness and Initiative....You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."

You know the saying "You hurt the ones you love the most".  So true, yet so sad.   You see, I have no problem being kind and helpful to others, but sometimes, when things are so chaotic and everything is going wrong at home, the kindness goes out the window.  There is that saying "Charity begins at home".  Another so true.  A good tree will produce good fruit.  I am the tree, my children are the fruit.  My goal is to yield good fruit that will yield more good fruit and so on.

How was I kind?  It was tough, but again, along with the patience, I didn't raise my voice, I spoke with enthusiasm, I gave extra hugs and kisses.  I brought in the patience from the day before and the kindness just followed.

What was the result?  Again, another day with much peace, love and kindness extending to other members of the family.  The kids got along, they played nicely and hardly fought (only 1 incident)!!   I noticed them doing sweet little kind things for one another all day long. 

So far so good!!  This Love Dare is great.  I'm learning some great new things and I'm being held accountable for my actions.  I made a promise to myself and to God that I was going to change me, change how I react to situations, change how I think about things, change the dynamic of my family, all my changing myself.  I want a deeper relationship with Christ, and with His Holy Mother.  I know, with their help, The Love Dare will be a success and the lessons will be something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Hurricane Approaching Us This Weekend

Hurricane Irene is on the prowl.  We are in her path and I'm scared out of my mind.  Now I know how my mom felt back in the 80's when Hurricane Gloria hit.  We will most likely evacuate, leaving Saturday morning before all the mayhem.  The kids are already packed and truly frightened as well.

They asked me tonight if I was scared.  I looked at their precious faces and told them "more than you'll ever know."  "Mom, you don't look scared."  "Well, guys, if I showed you how scared I was, well, you'd be all petrified.  It's my job to be strong for you all, to protect you, not only your physical selves but your spirit as well."

As a parent, I really want to protect my children, body, soul, spirit and mind.  I do my best, but sometimes, especially at times like this when everywhere you turn, there is talk of impending doom.  On tv tonight, our choices are hurricane watch or 9/11 shows already.  I just pray and ask for guidance on how to calm their little nerves.  They really worry about things they shouldn't be worrying about (where are we going to go? What if there is no electricity, how are we going to cook?  What about our goldfish?)

All in all, I know we are going to be ok. I  have faith that God will protect us and be with us.  Whatever happens to us will be a part of His plan for us, and we just need to trust in Him.  It will be ok.

So, my friends, especially those of you on the East Coast, stay safe this weekend.  I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, and ask you do the same for me and my family.  Hugs!!

Show Me What You See

During the school year, I meet with a wonderful, faithfilled group of ladies for a bible study and faith sharing group.  I've formed friendships that will definitely last a lifetime.  Over the course of the summer, we've met twice to discuss a book.  One friend was saying how when she's having a rough day with her kids, husband, or friends, she asks God "Show me what you see".  It really made me think, because you know how the saying goes, we hurt the ones we love the most.  So, I pray each morning for God to "show me what he sees" in my children and my husband, and here are my answers.

This is Matt, my almost 12 year old son.  I was shown great love for this child.  A child unsure of who he really is, struggling to fit in amongst his peers.  A child growing into a young man.  A young man aware of how his body is changing.  This is a child with a HUGE heart and love for his family, but has a hard time showing it.  This is a child who yearns to do the right thing, but do to peer pressure ends up making stupid decisions.  As a consequence to those stupid decisions, he does do the right thing.  He wants to please his parents and please God.  He has great faith.

This is Angelina, Nina for short.  She is my 11 year old daughter.  God showed me a child also struggling with fitting in with her peers.  Always wanting to please those around her, she holds everything in until she explodes.  She is afraid of entering a new phase in life, growing into a young lady and entering middle school, meeting new kids.  She struggles to make friends.  So many around her make poor decisions, so she has decided to distance herself from others.  She excels in school, putting so much pressure on herself to be perfect (the need to please!).  She needs her time with her mama, to grow in patience, love and confidence.  She has great faith also!

This is Anna, my 10yr old daughter.  God showed me a child struggling to find her place in this world, struggling to find her identity in a mind swirling out of control.  She is eager to please, yet eager to be independent.  She has faith but is not sure how to use what she learns.  She cares deeply for others, caring about others well being.  She is a helpful child, a loving child, a hurting child.  She is having some issues we need to get help with, but insurance issues are preventing us from doing so right now, so my hands are tied.  She is God's child just as much as she is mine.

This is Allie, my 9yr old daughter.  She is full of life, peace and laughter.  While she is not so eager to help mom out, she is eager to please and is very helpful of others.  She is struggling with an uncertain future, unsure of her health.  She is on a strict medicine regime to keep her kidneys functioning.  She is a trooper, a fighter.  She loves others as well as life.  She is very giving, loving, caring and joyful.  She has a peace about her that I struggle to find at times. 

This is Alaina, my soon to be 8yr old.  God showed me a child who is going through many changes.  She suffered a few losses in her short life of those she loved.  She is a strong willed, happy girl.  She loves to play, loves her family, loves life and friends.  She has great faith in Jesus, and is eager to learn everything she can.  She is very helpful and wants to please those around her.  She has high expectations of herself and is easily frustrating in certain situations.  She is a child that needs a lot of hugs and I Love You's.  I'm happy to give them to her.

This is Krista, my almost 5 yr old spitfire.  She is very close to her mama.  She is very cautious out in public and around new people.  It takes a little while to gain her trust.  She likes to try new things, yet is very cautious when doing so.  She likes to feel safe.  She is trying to find her niche amongst her siblings.  She also tries to please everyone.  She likes it to be peaceful and quiet, and not so chaotic in the house.  She loves her mama, daddy and Jesus.  She loves to go to church and sing songs of praise to God, while looking in my eyes.  It's a great moment between us.

Here is little Mark, my 1yr old boy.  God didn't have to show me much here.  All he knows is there are so many that love and care for him.  He loves to smile and dance and just LOVES being sung to.  He is truly God's gift.

Last but not least, my husband of 12.5yrs Bob.  God revealed alot about him, things I fail to think about.  Here is a man who supports and takes care of his family.  We are his top priority.  He struggles with an uncertain future, worries about the economy and the state of our country.  He worries about continuing to provide.  God showed me a man who, when he had no work, felt like a failure in some ways.  This is a man who needs to know he is loved, wanted, needed and appreciated.  He is a man who is full of faith and love for God that is beyond measure, and that he's passing onto his children, along with me.  He is a man who does things differently than everyone else, but in the end, his biggest success is his family.

So here you can see, I have a wonderful family with so many different struggles, attributes, character traits, etc.  I am truly blessed and wonder often what I did to deserve such a great family.  The answer to that is simple, it was God's gift, free of charge, just as His grace is a free gift to us.  I thank Him each and every day for all that I have in my family. 

Come and Follow Me

When Jesus was first starting His ministry, first calling on His disciples, he came upon some fishermen.  He said "Come and follow me.  I will make you fishers of men."   It took me a little while to understand what Jesus meant.  By being a follower of Jesus, living how He wants me to live, having my actions being pleasing to Him, well, I get it.  My best friend once told me a while ago, that I was her inspiration.  I was everything she wanted to be in living a faith filled life.  She wanted my belief, my faith.  I was very humbled when she told me this...I'm just an ordinary person, with not so ordinary circumstances.

There are many things that affect my faith and I am at a different place than I was 5 years ago.  I've learned to surrender all to God,  to lean on Him in my darkest times, and to rejoice in Him when things are great.  I've had many life experiences that have taught me many lessons.  Like I mentioned in my last post, there are so many uncertainties, the only certain, concrete in life is God's love.

So, how did I become a "fisher of men"?  I live according to the gospel, yet I know I'm human.  I do not think I'm a saint, and am humbled when I am called that by strangers.  I attend mass every weekend, and every day if I can.  I seek and find a place for God in my life, in every aspect of my life.  I love God with my whole being.  And it shows.  Having my best friend tell me I am her inspiration confirmed that for me. 

I do pray every day for a renewed spirit, for strength to get through each situation as it passes, and I pray especially for the grace to tackle the hard moments with peace and love.  I pray the same for my children.  My goal is to raise Saints, although having a priest, sister or doctor would be nice too ;) 

My children and I have enjoyed fishing the past few days...Here are some pictures of what we caught.  Today, we all caught at least one fish, bringing home a grand total of 16 for Pop Pop to use as bait when he goes out on the boat.  I'm thankful that my life doesn't depend on fishing...I can't stand the smell, so I don't eat them LOL.  Enjoy!

J.O.Y.

If you've heard of or seen the Duggars, you are probably familiar with J.O.Y.  Jesus, others, yourself.  Makes sense to me as a christian, when I put Jesus first, everything else falls into place.  I've seen alot of people roll their eyes at that, heard others say "My children come first" or "I need me time" or "those Duggars are just so extreme, I don't believe a thing they say."  The Duggars have the right idea. 

Upon opening in my eyes in the morning, before even getting out of bed, I say a prayer of thanks to God.  Thankful for another day, thankful for yet another opportunity to serve Him, thankful for my family and all the I have.  By putting God first when I start my day, everything else falls into place.  I am joyful when my children wake up, happily getting them their breakfast.  Giving lots of hugs and kisses, and of course, I love you's.  Of course, I have my coffee and the whole world is a better place ;).

If the morning doesn't go like that, it all falls apart.  If I wake and have to jump out of bed, with not a minute to even think, I'm frazzled, easily frustrated, easily angered.  By putting the needs of everyone first, instead of talking to God, my morning is not off to a good start, and it shows.  We are all in a mood.

When I feed my children, I'm serving God.  When I do the laundry, I'm serving God.  When I do the dishes, I'm serving God.  When I give hugs, kisses and sweet I love you's, I'm serving God.  How?  The bible clearly states "Whatsoever you do to the least of the little ones, you do for me."  Don't remember the exact verse, but it's in there.  The key is doing it all with joy in my heart.  Amongst the chaos of being the mom of 7, living in a small house with no room to move in the kitchen because everyone wants to help, it's hard to bring in the joy.  A dear friend said a couple of weeks ago, when aggravated or having one of those moments with her husband or children, says to the Lord, "Lord, please help me to see what you see."  I ask this every day.

To add to that, when we have a smooth day with not much chaos and fighting, I have time to take care of me, to paint my toenails, read a chapter of a book or knit for a while.  Even having a short conversation with a friend is uplifting.  The fact of the matter is, for me, without the Lord there is no joy or peace.    By putting God first, He puts my family and I first.  By singing praises, by loving, by doing for others, our love for the Lord shows, and our good fruits are being bared. 

Being the mom of many, being the mom of a few or just one, we all go through trying times.  We all face uncertain times, uncertain futures, just many uncertainties in life.  It's a scary world we live in.  The only thing certain is my love for God, my children and my family, and God's love for me, my children and family.

I'm not perfect, far from it.  I'm not a saint, far from it.  However, when I close my eyes at night, saying a prayer of thanks for day, praying for those that need my prayers, I am assured that when I wake, God will give me that little extra moment I need in the morning to touch base with Him, to get the joy and peace I need to get through my day.

Are They All Yours?

I get this question a lot...and I mean A LOT!  Through the years, I've come up with some pretty witty responses, from "Yes, they're all mine" to "No, they are on loan to me by God" along with "No, I just like taking 7 kids with me in the rain to get milk and bread".  I've never, at least not to my face, encountered negativity regarding my family size.  Really, no-one really has any right to say anything because we support our children.  We do not take advantage of government assistance programs, no one but husband and I raise our children.

No matter the number of children we have, whether it be 1, 3 or 10, we have our own sets of struggles.  I'm no hero or saint because I have 7 children close in age.  I lose my temper, I curse at times, I'm impatient often, I get short and yell at my kids.  I'm human.  Most new people I meet say "You must have the patience of a saint", in which I reply, "no more patience than you probably have".  I also hear "God bless you!", in which I proudly reply "He has and He does."  The truth of the matter for me is, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed each day if it weren't for my God.

I struggle.  I struggle a lot.  I have personal demons that I fight every day, and I fight darn hard to win.  I am unmedicated and I have bipolar.  When I announced I was going off of my meds so I could nurse the baby, my family was all "I'm so glad" "Thank goodness", etc.  I was slowly dying inside.  On my meds I am able to function in a stable manner.  I'm able to conquer situations in a different way than when off my meds.  I am able to show my children that stability, not some unknown.  I hate not knowing how my mood is going to shift every day.  I never know what kinds of situations will be thrown my way, and how I'm going to find the strength to deal with those situations.

I had a rough childhood.  I'm not going to go into that right now, but the point is, I'm trying to be different than those that were supposed to protect me.  I'm trying to give my children everything that lacked in my life at their age.  I get a lot of criticism, maybe not said directly, but I know it's there. 

The fact is, without God, without my prayers being said every day, I wouldn't be able to get through.  It is through Him that all things are possible.  I know God has a plan for me, a HUGE plan.  I don't know it, I don't understand it, but I know He will give me all I need in order to fulfill that plan. 

I've always wanted lots of kids, 12 to be exact.  I have 7.  Being the only girl out of 6, I prayed my entire life for a sister.  When I knew that wasn't meant to be, I prayed for daughters.  With 2 boys and 5 girls, my prayers were answered.  I'm very happy with what I have, with the number of my children, with each individual child.  I wouldn't change a thing.  I hear others say "I can't handle the 2 I have" or "I'm so done" or "I've always wanted another child, but it never happened."  We all have our own individual  struggles in our journey of life.  Just because I have 7 doesn't make my struggles any greater or harder than a mom with 1 or 2 kids.  It's just...different.

As for am I done?  Well, I know one thing.  No matter my answer, there will be criticism.  I still don't have the feeling of being absolutely done.  God has a plan for me.  If that includes more children, well then, that's what it will be.  If not, I'm perfectly thankful and blessed for what I have been given.

Gone too Soon

I just found out today that another high school classmate has passed away.  We played field hockey together.  She was a detective with the OC Proscecutors office and was in head on collision on Rt 70 earlier this morning.  I haven't talked to her since high school, but her family is in my prayers.  That's one bad thing about getting older, you lose more people that you know and love.    Rest In Peace Tina Liston Rambo...I pray that God is wrapping His loving arms around you at this very moment.

I know I haven't blogged in a while.  We couldn't find my memory card reader, therefore I couldn't get the pictures off of my camera.  Well, Bob found it today and here I am.  We've been very busy, trying to get this place cleaned up and decluttered, going to the beach, we had our church carnival not last weekend but the weekend before.  Saying "Adios" to Fr. Curt was real hard.  We loved him so much.  He did great things for our parish and he will be missed.

Angelina, my little altar server, has been helping out at funeral masses, one or two a week.  She was serving with Fr. Paul last week and in the middle of the "Our Father", he went down and passed out.  She came home and was just so upset.  She was upset for days, not wanted to serve anymore because she just didn't know what to do.  Turns out, Fr Paul was released from the hospital today (when I called about visitation, they told me he was scheduled to be released) and he is doing much better.  We've been praying for him.

I've been working on some items that I'm giving for a baby gift for a friend of mine.  I want to spill all the details, but I can't because she is on my facebook and I don't want to ruin the surprise.  Here are some pictures of the kids, though...and as soon as I give my gift, I'll put pictures up.