If I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, Love is kind.  It is not jealous, pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.  If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing;  if tongues, they will cease;  if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.  For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, they partial will pass away.  When I was a child, I used to talk like a child, think as a child, reason as a child;  when I became a man, I put aside childish things.  At present we see indistincly, as in a mirror, but then face to face.  At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.  So faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love.
                                                       
                                                                                                             1 Corinthians 13

This was part of the second reading at church today.  We got all giddy because this past week, this entire scripture, chapters 13 and 14, was read by Allie.  I like to pray on and ready Holy Scripture after we pray our rosary.  The kids like to read it too, out loud.  So Allie read this exact scripture to us this week and here it was.

These verses can be a real slap in the face to me.  Of course I love my husband and children, however I do get quick tempered and certainly not patient.  These are things I ask God to show me every day.  I am a work in progress.  I used to let the fact that mood disorder controlled every aspect of my life, including my parenting and wifely duties, define my very being.  I am not perfect, neither is anyone else.  Whenever I am uncertain of that, or seem to forget that I am loved, I open my Bible.

God has made promises to me.  God is always there for me.  He sent his one and only son for me!  I am worthy of God's love, His mercy, His patience.  No matter what I do, good or bad, God still loves me.  If I do something wrong unintenionally, God still loves me and is gently with me.  I need to remember that when raising my kids.  Most of what they do that angers me is unintentional.  They don't mean it.
 

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.  Before you were born  I dedicated you, a prophet, to the nations I appointed you.
                                                               Jeremiah 1:5

God knows each and every one of us.  We are all His children.  When we were baptized, He claimed us as His own.  He knew our name before any other, he knew how many hairs we had on our head.  He is definitely the kind of parent I want to be, loving, caring, merciful, patient, kind, a good listener, always there.  If that is not the epitomy of love than I don't know what is.

Everyday, in my prayers, I ask God to show me patience and to show me Love.  I need to learn to love myself more so I can love others...I think that's what is holding me back in so many ways.  Don't get me wrong, I do love my family and friends, but I think it can go much deeper than it is.  That's what I need to work on. 

So I leave you with this, even when we are less than perfect, when we make mistakes, God loves us more than we'll ever know.  Do you let God's love into your heart?

Since Last Time

Since the last time I posted, much has happened.  I went to IOP (intensive Outpatient therapy) for about 3 weeks.  I had to stop going due to the fact I don't have medical insurance.  I was very sad about that because I found it was really helping.  It's always helpful when I am around others like me in a group setting.  I was mopey for about a week or two.

The summer went great.  Lots of time at the beach...we went to the pool by mom and pops, which is always a blast.  I was ready to for them to go back to school for the simple fact we needed the routine that is lacking in the summer.  If it weren't for that, I'd keep them home forever!

Krista started Kindergarten this year!  Now that it's February, she is reading all on her own!! I am so proud of her.  She loves school so much she wants to live there LOL.

I'm feeling my moods be scattered all over the place, each  moment unpredictable.  I need to make an appt with Shay this week (I don't go until next week) and possibly even Dr. Kargman for a med adjustment.  I just feel off and I feel like I'm frustrated and out of control all the time.  Maybe I just need to take my ativan, 2 at a time morning, noon and night.  Perhaps that will help.

Well, that's just a little update on me and where I am right now.  Off to make another post on some thoughts I have.